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Ask a Demon - Halloween Edition by Ryan Hill

 

Can you hear it?

Angels blowing their horns?

No?

That's because it's HALLOWEEN!

The greatest day of the year, or any year. A day when demons can shed their human facade, revealing the true form hiding underneath, and walk around in our birthday suits. Nobody would bat an eye, freak out, or wet their pants. They'd say, "cool costume bruh," or give us first prize in costume contests.

Me? I look way too sexy to drop my human appearance. I don't feel the need to show the world my demon form and not be judged. I'm secure in my exquisite looks like that.

But I digress.

Halloween has shifted a bit over the years, going from the Irish holiday of Samhain, where humans greeted us with food and alcohol in exchange for letting some of their dead relatives hang out for a few hours. Eventually, the bribes stopped, and the holiday became the one day of the year where it was okay to get mad over receiving a pack of raisins over some candy. Scratch that. It's always acceptable to get mad over getting a pack of raisins. They're disgusting. Worst use of grapes ever.

On to the Halloween questions!

Cinnamon from West Virginia asks:

Why are some costumes called slutty? Most of them seem okay to me.

The companies that make Halloween costumes are morons. Aside from selling outfits named "Slutty Nurse," their business model makes zero sense. They only sell their product one month out of the year! Is that an organization that should be passing judgment on what's considered slutty? Methinks not.

Besides, dressing up as a nurse - especially when you aren't one - is pretty much the equivalent of wearing a nurse costume. The only difference between an official outfit and the "slutty" costume version is a couple of inches.

Have a question for me? Send it to ryan@ryanhillwrites.com.

Jake from Austin asks:

Is it okay to put razorblades in candy?

No. No, man. Don't mess with kids. Ever. The worst parts of Hell are reserved for people who mess with kids: right next to everyone who thought elevator music was a good idea.

Tim from Atlanta asks:

Bartholomew, is there any costume you wish more people wore on Halloween?

That's an easy one. Birthday suit.

Need advice from Bartholomew? Want to know what movie to see this weekend? Send your question to ryan@ryanhillwrites.com.

Blaze Pub's Haunted Halloween Tour with... Me! by Ryan Hill

 

October is the month of fears, and we're going on tour with some of our favorite authors to talk about what their main characters are afraid of. What keeps them up at night? What nightmare has them waking in a cold sweat? Each day, we'll feature a new main character and delve deep into their subconscious to see what they fear. And each day, you'll have a chance to enter to win some awesome prizes!

Bailey is the sixteen-year-old protagonist of the Paranormal Comedy THE CONCH SHELL OF DOOM by Ryan Hill. When Bailey isn’t fighting off sea monsters, he’s fighting off his friends’ snark, a healthy fear of rejection, and anxiety. But rejection isn't the only thing he's afraid of...

What am I most afraid of? by Bailey Southwick

What am I not afraid of is probably the better question. I’m afraid my friends will find out who I have a secret crush on- actually, let’s leave her name out of it. If they ever found out, I’d never hear the end of it. I know a lot of people say, “Oh, I’d never hear the end of it,” but I’m serious. Marshall and Tim would hound me until I moved to Allakaket, Alaska, population 107. Even then, I’d still get texts, emails, and even real mail from them with more jokes. To top it off, one of them – most likely Marshall – would make sure the crush knew I liked them in the most public and humiliating way possible.

Maybe Allakaket isn’t the worst idea.

I’m also afraid of goblin sharks, sand soldiers, and having some bad guy’s head put on my body. Definitely the last one. No, my body isn’t the most athletic, but I’m still growing into it? Also, it’s mine. I don’t want some gross head taking control, rendering me basically dead. No way. That’d stink.

Also, I’m afraid of my anxiety. It pops up at random moments and causes all kinds of problems. I do my best to manage it, but that can only get me so far sometimes. I wish it weren’t the case, but it’s the lens through which I view life. It makes me who I am, and it can make me my own worst enemy.

about the book

Bailey didn’t mean to catch his parents plotting to unleash the sinister Trenton Maroney and his powerful oceanic army on the world. It was an honest mistake. Now, he’s got the horribly disfigured Mr. Lovell on his trail, which is doing wonders for Bailey’s anxiety.

His only ally is Franklin, a burn-out several decades past wishing his brother Trenton was destroyed for good. Franklin has battled his brother for two thousand years, and has nothing to show for it except his beloved Mustang.

To stop Mr. Lovell from awakening Trenton, Franklin and Bailey will have to get past his parents, a one-eyed stoner, crooked cops, giant Scotsmen, and Trenton’s army, which can only be summoned by one thing: the mysterious Conch Shell of Doom.

Amazon

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Ask a Demon! by Ryan Hill

 

What makes someone an expert on advice? Experience? Education? Is a former heroin addict more qualified to help a drug addict seeking help than a doctor or psychiatrist? Does the addict's real-life experience make for a better perspective? How about a demon that's existed for thousands upon thousands of years? A demon that's seen and done most everything one could do within the realm of human existence. 

Bash a caveman over the head with a giant bone? Check.

Get crucified? More than once? Check and double check.

Destroy a fragile peace between two warring nations by deflowering a princess betrothed to a prince from another land? Check, check, and check.

In short, don't hate the player. Hate the game.

Have a question for me? Send it to ryan@ryanhillwrites.com with the subject line ASK A DEMON. Otherwise, the nitwit who owns the email address will answer your question. Trust me, you don't want that happening. He's a boob.

Joshua from Charlotte asks:

My boss is a real jerk. He makes us work Saturdays, but he never shows up. He's making our lives miserable. Any ideas on how to get him back?

Hmmmm yeah. Is your boss Bill Lundberg, by any chance? Do you need to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too?

Question. If your boss never shows up to work on Saturday, how will your boss know if you don't? If by some chance your boss can find out if you played hookie, hire a prostitute to seduce your boss, then make a sex tape. Not only will working on Saturdays be a thing of the past, but so will your salary... because methinks a raise is in order.

Jake from Miami asks:

What's Hell like? Are there multiple levels? Is it hot, or is that just an old wives tale? Speaking of old wives, what's the easiest way to dispose of a body? Asking for a friend.

I love Hell. Spent the past million or so years calling that place my home. Hell is also a lot like the Matrix. It can't be described, only seen. Dante got some stuff right in his Inferno, but I can't say what. You'll have to see for yourself!

As for the body, you can do what Walter White did in that one episode of Breaking Bad. If your stomach is too weak to handle melting a human body, find a pig farm. Those porkers will take care of the rest.

Need advice from Bartholomew? Want to know what movie to see this weekend? Send your question to ryan@ryanhillwrites.com.

 

ASK A DEMON! by Ryan Hill

 

 

What is it they say? Ask and ye shall receive? "They" always forget the second part of that: Ask and ye shall receive... for a price.

The cost varies, depending on what's being asked. Sometimes, it's slapping your old, angry biology teacher in the face during class. One poor soul wanted a position of power within Henry VII's court, so I pulled some strings and made him Groom of the Stool. What does that entail? Glad you asked!

The Groom of the Stool was considered "one of the most trusted" members of a king's court, or to phrase it for modern times, his entourage. Why? Because the Groom of the Stool was closer to the king than anyone, perhaps even the queen. See, the Groom was charged with helping the king successfully navigate certain... bodily functions. 

Also, yes. That guy gave up his soul for the position. Kind of a crappy trade off, don't you think? Bit of a stinker? I could go on for days.

Audrey the Curious Author asks:

I really want my book to be a bestseller. Like, make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. Should I make a bargain with your boss, aka SATAN, so I can achieve my goals? I’d really appreciate your thoughts on this, the pros and cons of selling my immortal soul.

Thanks!

You're welcome! Though, I haven't given you any advice yet.

Don't make a bargain with Lucifer. He's a dirty old man who will take everything you have, including the pigtails you sported as a five-year-old that swayed to and fro while you skipped down the sidewalk, your mother beaming with love and happiness. You think Lou messes around? Look at the guy!

 
 

On a side note, making a deal with Lucifer robs some poor demon of making commission on your soul. Don't do that. It's selfish.

As for whether you should sell your soul for fame, fortune, success, maybe a bungalow in Maui... OF COURSE YOU SHOULD DO IT! WHO CARES ABOUT A SOUL? IT'S SOME METAPHYSICAL, MYSTICAL THING THAT SUPPOSEDLY LEAVES YOUR PHYSICAL BODY WHEN YOU DIE. WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO? NOBODY KNOWS! YOU WON'T MISS IT!

Souls are dumb. You don't need one.

To play devil's advocate, however...

Christopher Marlowe sold his soul to become a famous playwright. Familiar with him? Famous playwright, murdered before his time? He's remembered these days for writing a play about a guy who sells his soul to the devil

Think about that.

Want your question answered by me? Send them to ryan@ryanhillwrites.com with ASK A DEMON in the subject line. Who knows? You might get lucky and I'll answer your question.

Until next time...

Bartholomew signing off

Ask a demon! by Ryan Hill

 

Welcome to the inaugural edition of ASK A DEMON. It's kind of like a Reddit Ask Me Anything, only with me. A demon. Well... ex-demon. For simplicity's sake, let's act like I'm still a full-fledged demon.

I'm Bartholomew, and I used to be - excuse me - I AM a demon. Been around for thousands of millennia, ruined plans, parties, virgins, all that jazz. Go to LinkedIn if you're looking for a resume, because if being around for thousands of millennia (and all that jazz) doesn't convince you of my credentials for handing out the greatest advice in the history of the known universe, then do me a favor. Ask someone to slap you across the face. As hard as they can. It doesn't matter who they are, just ask. After, LET THEM SLAP YOU, then tell them thanks from Bartholomew. If you need more proof of my credibility, read THE BOOK OF BART. It's about me. By me. For me. And you too, I guess, but mostly me.

Let's see who needs some of my tried and mostly true advice.

Lay Lady Layla asks:

Humans and demons have different skin, and you're always so disgustingly attractive, I have to know. What is your skin care routine?

Demons technically don't have skin. We did when we were angels, but that got messed up when all of us went to Hell. Demons have scales like a snake, but we don't molt. That would be the pits. The good news is demons can disguise our true from underneath human skin. Sort of like a Terminator, but easier to manage and higher quality. In terms of a skin care routine, I try to keep things simple.

Danielle Don't Tell asks:

What is the most unassuming way to get slated for Hell?

Assuming the most assuming way to get into Hell is to be the mastermind behind, say... the Holocaust? Probably saying something along the lines of, "I'd give anything for an hour alone with insert name of person you want five minutes alone with HERE," around the right demon. They'll set it up, but don't be surprised if that hour is spent in a broken elevator along with a screaming baby, a panicky woman who thinks all of you are about to die, a Diabetic in need of an insulin shot, and a man who's hungover and claustrophobic, all while you're stuck with a bladder that will explode at any moment. 

Just sayin'.

Juan John Silver asks:

What's the best way to get a cat out of a tree?

One could go up there and get the cat themselves, wait for the cat to get bored and come down, or call the fire department, but what's the fun in any of those? Instead, I propose stealing a car - the greasiest one available - and crashing it into the tree going at least 40 miles-per-hour. In theory, the force should throw the cat from the tree. And since cats always land on their feet, no harm no foul. Right?

Want your question answered by me? Send them to ryan@ryanhillwrites.com with ASK A DEMON in the subject line. Who knows? You might get lucky.

Until next time...

Bartholomew signing off

 

 

 

Shadow Fall Cover Reveal!!! by Ryan Hill

 

Happy Cover Reveal day! Blaze Publishing has another amazing design to share with the world today. We're revealing the cover to SHADOW FALL by Audrey Grey. This YA sci-fi dystopian will definitely keep you on the edge of your seat as Maia is pitted against others in the ultimate game of survival. Join the Facebook Party tonight from 5-11pm EST, and mark your calendars for release day 11/22!

Goodreads     Pre-Order     Request A Review Copy

The asteroid hurtling toward the earth will kill billions.

The Emperor and his Gold Court will be safe in their space station, watching from the stars. The Silvers will be protected underground. But the Bronzes must fight it out at the Shadow Trials for the few remaining spots left on the space station.

When an enigmatic benefactor hands Maia Graystone a spot in the Trials, she won’t just get a chance at salvation for her and her baby brother, Max: She gets to confront the mother who abandoned her in prison, the mad Emperor who murdered her father, and the Gold prince who once loved her. But it’s the dark bastard prince she’s partnered with that will make her question everything, including her own heart. With the asteroid racing closer every day, Maia must trust someone to survive. The question is who?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Audrey Grey lives in the charming state of Oklahoma, with her husband, two little people, and four mischievous dogs. You can usually find her hiding out in her office from said little people and dogs, surrounded by books and sipping kombucha while dreaming up wondrous worlds for her characters to live in.

Website   Instagram   Twitter   Facebook  Goodreads

Introducing... ASK A DEMON by Ryan Hill

Have you ever needed advice on something, but were too scared to ask your parents? Want to know the best way to get revenge on that bully who won't stop giving you noogies? Then you've come to the right place!

Bartholomew, that handsome, smooth, dastardly scoundrel of a demon (his words, not mine) has graciously decided to take some time away from his busy schedule of chasing virgins and corrupting souls to answer questions from YOU, for FREE. Normally, this kind of thing requires payment in the form of a Maserati or, oh, YOUR SOUL, but Bartholomew is doing this for free. He'd never admit it, but personally? I think his friend Samantha put him up to it in the hopes he might actually help someone. Can't say for sure, though. 

Send your questions to ryan@ryanhillwrites.com with the subject line ASK A DEMON, and maybe Bartholomew will answer your question!

In the meantime, you can follow Bartholomew's shenanigans in THE BOOK OF BART, with parts 2 and 3 coming 2017!

THE CONCH SHELL OF DOOM Release Day! Random Acts of Silliness! by Ryan Hill

 

It's here It's here IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!! 

The book with quite possibly the most RANDOM and SILLY title in this history of the written word is here!!!!! 

Witness the Awakening. Witness the tomfoolery. Witness the ridiculous that is... THE CONCH SHELL OF DOOM. Buy it here, won't you?

Not only that, but there's a contest going to win free stuff like signed books or a $20 Amazon gift card! Seriously. May 24, 2016, should just be called the gift that keeps on giving at this point. 

Contest ends June 3, 2016

  • One winner will receive a $20 Amazon Gift Card and a signed copy of The Conch Shell of Doom by Ryan Hill
  • One winner will receive a signed copy of The Conch Shell of Doom by Ryan Hill
  • One winner will receive a signed copy of The Book of Bart by Ryan Hill
  • One winner will receive a signed copy of Dead New World by Ryan Hill

Time to announce the RANDOM ACTS OF SILLINESS winners!

Now, some of the suggestions I got were a bit much, or borderline iffy/legal. There were also a few ideas that required women's clothing. Regardless, everyone who entered a suggestion gets a FREE CONCH SHELL OF DOOM EBOOK! If you entered via ryanhillwrites.com, please contact me with your email so I can send you the ebook. As for the winners, YOU GET A FREE BOOK! YOU GET A FREE BOOK! AND YOU GET A FREE BOOK! (free signed paperback, that is). If you all could get me your mailing info, I'll get those books out to you as soon as possible.

Thanks to everyone who suggested a Random Act of Silliness!

Rank: 75,000

Act: Write an ode to my fans and leave it on my website. Barbara also suggested a dramatic reading of Magic Mike, but I had to be wearing a tutu. I'm not made of money you all! :)

Winner: barbara.hopkins39@*****.com
 

Rank: 50,000

Act: Do the "Time Warp"

Winner: Danielle from ryanhillwrites.com
 

Rank: 25,000

Act: Dye my hair

Winners: vampyrelady6606@*****.com, calden40@***.com 
 

Rank: 10,000

Act: Dance with a stranger

Winner: mq3377@***.com
 

Rank: 5,000

Act: Paint my body in either the cover or a character

Winner: doveknoll@*****.com
 

Rank: 1,000

Act: Cover myself in oatmeal and yogurt, then run around screaming about my book

Winner: majikalone@******.com
 

Rank: 100

Act: Create a Minecraft-inspired costume and wear it in public for 30 minutes.

Winner: Ginger from ryanhillwrites.com
 

Rank: No. 1 in any sub-category

Act: Dance to "Ring my Bell" in '70s garb, i.e. whatever is left of my Dad's wardrobe from that era ;)

Winner: artemis.lynn1966@*****.com

Introducing RANDOM ACTS OF SILLINESS by Ryan Hill

 

With the upcoming May 24 release of my third novel, The Conch Shell of Doom, I'm throwing almost all shame (what little remains, at least) out the window. I want this to be my best release yet. I want this release to make The Beatles appearing on The Ed Sullivan Show to seem like no big whoop. That may not happen - it almost certainly won't - but a guy can dream, right?

To help Conch Shell have a big release, I need your help to get the word out. But, I also want this to be fun for everybody. I want you all to feel like you're getting something out of it besides good karma. As such, if the book hits certain milestones in terms of Amazon ranking, you all can decide on a RANDOM ACT OF SILLINESS for me to do. I'm willing to do pretty much anything except risk life (definitely not) and limb (absolutely not) for this. Or something that will get me arrested. Or fired. You know, big, life-altering in a very bad way kind of stuff. 

These are the milestones I'm laying out. Some of these are for overall Amazon rank, others for reaching No. 1 in a sub-category.

Overall Amazon rank milestones:

No. 75,000
No. 50,000
No. 25,000
No. 10,000
No. 1,000
No. 100
No. 1

Sub-category rank milestones - there are three milestones:

No. 1 in one sub-cat
No. 1 in two
No. 1 in all three

The greater the milestone, the greater the act of silliness I'm willing to subject myself to. If I reach No. 75,000, for example, I could maybe do a dramatic reading of something. Fifty Shades of Grey, Shakespeare, The Big Bang Theory, anything. The sillier the better. If I crack the Top 100, maybe I'll dye my hair green. It all depends on what you suggest. 

If you're interested in helping spread the word on May 24, sign up for my release day blitz, fill out your information (you don't need a blog to participate), and in the "Comments/Questions" box at the bottom, indicate your RANDOM ACT OF SILLINESS suggestion - just be sure to introduce your comment/question with RANDOM ACT OF SILLINESS

The ideas that are picked will win a signed paperback of The Conch Shell of DoomIf I somehow hit No. 1, ALL the winning ideas will receive SIGNED PAPERBACKS of ALL THREE OF MY BOOKS. That's pretty cool if you ask me, but since I wrote the books I may be a bit biased. 

Don't worry about assigning your idea to a milestone. I'll do that based on degree of difficulty and/or level of silliness. 

Thanks in advance for all of your help. If this goes well, I may make it a tradition for all future releases.

Enjoy!

Ryan

Wrapping up 2015, unwrapping 2016 by Ryan Hill

 

Whew. Thank goodness 2015 is pretty much over. It hasn't been the worst year I've ever had, but it wasn't far off. For some reason, my life plays out a lot like the Star Trek series. The even years are so, so much better than the odd ones. All years have both good and bad stuff, but those odd-numbered years tend to have more of the bad stuff. And 2015 was no exception.

I had to put my dog to sleep. I haven't really mentioned it online, but losing Maggie was the defining moment of 2015 for me. It became clear in late June something wasn't right with her, and shortly after I learned she had a tumor in her lung. The vet gave her three-to-five months (more like three), and my sweet baby made it a little over five. I won't get into the details of those last couple of weeks, only to say I made the decision to put her to sleep after learning she now had two tumors in her lungs and another in her liver that was raising the back half of her body higher than the front, making it nearly impossible for her to lie down.

It even looks like an In Memorium pic. Sorry.

It even looks like an In Memorium pic. Sorry.

I don't regret the decision, but that doesn't mean I don't miss the heck of my little girl. She was only 10, and Miniature Schnauzers can live to be 15-17. No, the only thing I regret is the time I won't get to spend with her.

To every cloud there is a silver lining.

And the silver lining in this came in the form of one Miss Hunter S. Gonzodog.

I'd always hoped to have a puppy for a couple of years, giving Maggie a chance to teach her a couple of tricks, but sadly things didn't work out that way. Such is life. Hunter is a super sweet pup, and I look forward to seeing which traits of Maggie's she takes on and which are completely her own.

I also didn't have a book released in 2015. Womp womp.

That stinks. A combination of things led to this: laziness, the day job, my horrific back (two ruptured discs and an irritated Sciatica), anxiety, etc. They all pretty much play into each other, creating this awful, giant beast of worthlessness, but I digress.  Let's move on to 2016.


I will have a book out in 2016, and another one or two in 2017.

I'm going the self-publishing route for 2016's release, The Conch Shell of Doom. I'm aiming for a mid-May release, just in time for UtopYA 2016.  I'm super proud of the book, which presented lots of new challenges that helped me grow as a writer. CSoD is also the craziest book I've written to date. I can't wait to share it with all of you.

The other two novels in the works are an untitled YA mystery set during Christmastime, and a sequel to The Book of Bart. The book is tentatively called The Unspoken Rule (or Bart of Darkness, depending on my mood), and it's going to be a lot of fun. Bart and Sam are in for one helluva run. Get it? Because Bart is a demon from Hell? 

Once the sequel is further along, the original will be forever known as The Book of Bart - Verse 1. The sequel? You guessed it. Verse 2. And so on and so forth, until the series ends. Which may be never. If I had more time, I'd write a novella or two each year, detailing Bart's escapades throughout history B.S. - Before Sam. Get it??? B.S.??? These jokes just write themselves... which explains why they're so awful. 

But I do have a humor award, so that makes it okay? If not, the Jensen Ackles gif should. At least for some of you.

My work as a film critic at Screen Invasion will continue in the new year, but I am on the lookout for a new outlet to write for. I love SI. LOVE THEM. SI has also proved to be a fantastic springboard for a lot of writers, and after two years with them, I feel like I'm ready to take the next step, regardless of if it's full-time, part-time, freelance, etc.

PS - It's okay. They know/support this. It's another reason why they rock.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Truer words have never been spoken.

I also hope to get my back fixed, or at least get it to a place where it doesn't drain the life out of me each day. Back pain like I have isn't like normal pain. There aren't really nerves involved (except for the Sciatic nerves, which one of my discs rubs up against and irritates), nor are muscles. It's more an empty, hollow pain, like someone reached into my lower back and yanked out the base of what held me together. Without it, the rest of the structure is overburdened and tires. It's awful. 

Let this be a lesson to you kids. Don't lift too much weights. Especially on back exercises, like a Lat Row. Don't do it.

Next year should be a good one in the world of Ryan, and I sincerely hope all of you have a great 2016!

Hugs and kisses,

Ryan

Q&A with CHARMING author Krystal Wade by Ryan Hill

 

Krystal Wade's CHARMING released on Oct. 6, and if you haven't read it, well... you should. Because it's good. The CINDERELLA meets SAW mash-up is a dark, thrilling YA novel with plenty of creepy twists and turns. 


Wade was also brave enough to endure my own brand of Author Q&A. See, I don't like to ask the typical questions. Having been on the other side of these interviews, I know it can get tiring answering variations of the same question a million times. So, without further adieu... WE BEGIN.

On the surface, a novel titled CHARMING seems sweet and gooey, but then one look at the cover for your CHARMING and it looks like a bloody mess. Why the juxtaposition? Do you enjoy toying with people?

Umm. Do you know me? I mean, like, really KNOW me? Of COURSE I love toying with people. Don’t you? That’s part of what makes being an author so amazing, so powerful, being able to guide people’s emotions just so you can whip out a plot twist and make them cry. Or something. Am I right? :-)

How do you go about trying to scare readers? Are there any tricks you employ, or do you just put a picture of a gross monster face in your book?

Well, there’s throwing the occasional monster in your face, but that doesn’t really happen in this book. Check out WILDE'S FIRE if you like monsters. Plenty of them in that whole series. I especially like the Crossing Caves scene in book three. But, with Charming, I can’t say that I intentionally tried to scare people, except with the occasional chopped off appendage. That was fun, not for the poor sap who’s now missing an appendage, but you get my drift! Oh, and I scare people with emotions, real, horrifying emotions!

Did you study any books or movies to help with setting the tone in CHARMING, or to help bolster the frights? I know, personally, one viewing of GLEE will scare the heck out of me.

GLEE scares you? I thought GLEE would actually make you WANT to kill someone, though, to be honest, I really, really enjoyed the first couple seasons of that show. The cheerleading coach was my favorite. But, no, I didn’t have to watch any frightening things on the tube because I’ve had enough frightening things happen in my life to help me there.

You wrote CHARMING for one of your daughters, correct? You have two other children. Do you know what kind of books you'll write for them? Are you worried your teenaged son will be grossed out by the fact that his mom is writing about him?

No! Are you nuts? I wrote SHATTERED SECRETS for one of my daughters. No way would I put one of my namesakes through what Haley has to deal with in CHARMING. But I am writing a book for each kid. Abby has SHATTERED SECRETS, Clarissa will have a sci-fi (working title LOST), and Ethan will have to wait until he’s not so much of an a**hole for me to write a book about him. I doubt he’d appreciate anything I have to say about his gross, stinky, 14-year-old self.

When writing a scary scene, do you have to fight off the urge to cackle out loud, like you're some kind of demented trickster, setting a trap for your unwitting readers?

Why, yes, yes I do. But then I usually fail and end up cackling anyway. I really, really enjoy the demented scenes that involve serial killer stuff. The other, closer to home scenes, where Haley is dealing with abuse at home? I don’t enjoy writing those so much because they are triggers for pain I’ve encountered in life. But they are real and essential to this story. And while I’m being serious for a moment, if you or someone you know is dealing with abuse at home, please reach out to this anonymous hotline: https://www.childwelfare.gov/responding/how.cfm (Ed. note: Seriousness like this is RARELY tolerated in a Q&A, but Krystal's right on this one)

Your previous works have been in the fantasy/urban fantasy genre. CHARMING is a mash-up between a fairy tale and SAW. Can you explain what the transition from one genre to another was like, or can CHARMING still sort of fall into your other books' category, since it's kind of based on a fairy tale and all? This is just more trickery on your part, isn't it Wade? ISN'T IT??

Slow down, Ryan. I’m positive you’re way overthinking this genre/category/branding of mine here. I write ALL THE CREEPY things. I made up my own demons in the DARKNESS FALLS trilogy. I made up murderous spirits who kidnap young girls in SHATTERED SECRETS, and CHARMING deals with a serial killer who likes to teach people a lesson through horrible means. So, um, I’m still writing scary. The only difference was working within the laws of our own world. And that actually made my job a lot easier, if I do say so myself. Which I do. I’ve always wondered why people say that.

Pop quiz. You find out a serial killer is after you, your friends, and your family, a la CHARMING. What do you do? Go to the hardware store and buy a nail gun? High tail it out of town? Hire a MMA fighter to protect you?

I would cower in a corner and cry and cry and cry. But my characters? They’re a bit tougher than I am. They would prefer to seek out clues to help save everyone. So… they’d probably buy nail guns, pocket knives, and whatever else MacGyver kept handy to help himself out of any and every situation.


Okay. Time for a somewhat serious question. (Ed. note: The previous sentence makes my last note look hypocritical. I'm okay with this) The YA market really seems to be shifting away from fantasy and toward contemporary stories. Why do you think that is? Saying because CHARMING is a contemporary story, so naturally everyone would follow your lead is NOT an acceptable answer.

You just forbade me from answering your question.

Okay, fine, I just think that so many authors write in the paranormal/fantasy genre that it’s flooded, and readers are tired of reading the same stories over and over. So they reach out for contemporary. Eventually they’ll tire of this as well. But don’t get me wrong. People are still reading paranormal/fantasy in droves. They’re still loving it too, but it’s going to be much more difficult to make a name for yourself in that genre when 1 million other authors are doing the same.

The main character in CHARMING literally goes through hell in the story. As a writer, how did you deal with that? Did it drive you to drink every night, feeling sorry for what you were doing to this character? Or, are you just a cold, heartless woman who takes a sick amount of glee in torturing people that aren't real and only exist in their mind?

You just used literally wrong, which means I cannot and will not answer your question until you rephrase this. So, you’ll never know whether it took alcohol to write this, or whether I’m just sick and twisted. Sorry!

In haiku format, please explain why readers should rush out and purchase CHARMING.

*looks up haiku format because she can’t remember back to grade school*

Amidst fall leaves

a finger shows up

chaos ensues

Yeah, I’m not sure how my teacher would grade me for that, but it was worth a shot. Like to see you come up with something better in less than five minutes, Ryan! (Ed note No. 3: Nobody gave you a time limit, Wade. You did that to yourself)


Fall into Fantasy Week 4: Marsha A. Moore's Enchanted Bookstore Legends by Ryan Hill

 

Welcome to the Fall Into Fantasy Tour, where we are keeping your mind off any end-of-summer blues and welcoming the cooler weather by introducing you to some incredible fantasy reads to curl up with and giving you plenty of chances to win awesome prizes!

The Enchanted Bookstore Legends
Book One: Seeking a Scribe
Book Two: Heritage Avenged
Book Three: Lost Volumes
Book Four: Staurolite
Book Five: Quintessence
By Marsha A. Moore

Seeking a Scribe: Enchanted Bookstore Legend One by Marsha A. Moore

Lyra McCauley is a writer and loves fantasy novels, but until she opens a selection from bookstore owner Cullen Drake, she has no idea he’s a wizard character who lives a double life inside that volume…or the story’s magic will compel her from the edge of depression to adventure, danger, and love.

His gift to Lyra, the Book of Dragonspeir, was actually her copy, misplaced years ago. Lost in her pain following divorce and death, she fails to recognize him as her childhood playmate from the fantasyland. Friendship builds anew. Attraction sparks. But Lyra doubts whether a wizard is capable of love. She’s torn—should she protect her fragile heart or risk new love?

Opening the book’s cover, she confronts a quest: save Dragonspeir from destruction by the Black Dragon before he utilizes power of August’s red moon to expand his strength and overthrow the opposing Imperial Dragon. Lyra accepts the challenge, fearing Cullen will perish if evil wins. Along with magical animal guides, Cullen helps her through many perils, but ultimately Lyra must use her own power…and time is running out.



Series Description:

The Enchanted Bookstore Legends are about Lyra McCauley, a woman destined to become one of five strong women in her family who possess unique magical abilities and serve as Scribes in Dragonspeir. The Scribes span a long history, dating from 1200 to present day. Each Scribe is expected to journey through Dragonspeir, both the good and evil factions, then draft a written account. Each book contains magic with vast implications.

Lyra was first introduced to Dragonspeir as a young girl, when she met the high sorcerer, Cullen Drake, through a gift of one of those enchanted books. Using its magic, he escorted her into the parallel world of Dragonspeir. Years later, she lost that volume and forgot the world and Cullen. These legends begin where he finds her again—she is thirty-five, standing in his enchanted bookstore, and Dragonspeir needs her. 

When Lyra reopens that enchanted book, she confronts a series of quests where she is expected to save the good Alliance from destruction by the evil Black Dragon. While learning about her role, Lyra and Cullen fall in love. He is 220 years old and kept alive by Dragonspeir magic. Cullen will die if Dragonspeir is taken over by the evil faction…Lyra becomes the Scribe.

Purchase Links:

ABOUT MARSHA A. MOORE
Marsha A. Moore loves to write fantasy and fantasy romance. Much of her life feeds the creative flow she uses to weave highly imaginative tales. 

The magic of art and nature often spark life into her writing, as well as watercolor painting and drawing. She’s been a yoga enthusiast for over a decade and is a registered yoga teacher. After a move from Toledo to Tampa in 2008, she’s happily transformed into a Floridian, in love with the outdoors. Marsha is crazy about cycling. She lives with her husband on a large saltwater lagoon, where taking her kayak out for an hour or more is a real treat. She never has enough days spent at the beach, usually scribbling away at stories with toes wiggling in the sand. Every day at the beach is magical!


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Excerpt from Seeking a Scribe:

Chapter One: Licorice Memories
The smell of anise greeted Lyra as she opened the door to Drake’s bookstore. It took her back to happy childhood memories. Licorice-shoe-string-rewards for following her parents’ requests to stay on the dock while they secured the family’s pleasure boat to its trailer. The aroma brought a fleeting remembrance of times long gone, a treasure now that her folks had recently passed. At ease with the familiar scent, she settled into browsing through rows of antique bookcases.
The shop owner stuck his head around a set of shelves. “Do you like tea?”
“Yes, I do.” Before she could finish speaking, he disappeared. “Is that the wonderful smell?” she called out.
Kitchenware clinked in the back room. Receiving no answer, Lyra followed the noises, scanning collections as she walked. This bookshop appeared established, but surely she would have remembered it from her last visit to the Lake Huron village five years ago. Books were her passion, especially fantasy. She paused in front of that section and studied its titles.
The owner appeared, holding a pewter tray with a teapot, two cups, sugar jar, spoons, and napkins, which he laid on the corner of an old library table. She watched him carefully pour the tea and hand her a cup. He was about her age, mid thirties or a bit older, and handsome. His medium brown hair, peppered with gray at the temples, grazed his shoulders in wavy layers, and his beard was trimmed into a neat goatee. He wore long shorts, a knit golf shirt, and sandals—typical casual attire for this island resort community.
She set down her bag from the drugstore and accepted his offer with a smile. “Thanks. My name’s Lyra.” She blew across the hot surface of the tea to cool it and then inhaled the anise-scented steam. She closed her eyes to fully enjoy the memory. “Ah!”
“Afternoons of boating and licorice with your parents? Right?” he asked.
Her mouth dropped open. How did he know that?

He slurped from his cup. “Go ahead, take a sip. My folks gave me the same reward for taking my kid sister along on bicycle rides.”
Forgetting all about the tea, she asked, “How do you know my childhood memory?”
“Taste it.” His lips curled into a sly grin as he took another gulp.
She cautiously took a tiny sip, just enough to wet her lips and the tip of her tongue.  The flavor flooded her mouth, and her mind swam with wonderful memories. The taste transformed into that of gigantic popcorn balls the sheriff’s wife down the street made for Halloween trick-or-treaters, accompanied by images of Lyra’s costume—a red, fringed gypsy skirt borrowed from Mom. Next came a pumpkin flavor and vision of holding a cold piece of “punky-pie” in her five-year-old hand. Another swallow returned her experience back to anise. “What is this? How did you know?”
“Let me introduce myself.” His grin spread into a smile as his eyes met hers. He took a step closer. “I’m Cullen, Cullen Drake, and I know many things. What I don’t know is what sort of books you like to read.”
His keen interest caused heat to rise in her cheeks. “Well, actually I have several favorites, all fantasy and magical realism. You have a number of authors I like in this section.” She turned to refer to the shelves behind her, but found non-fiction hunting guides instead. “This case held classic fantasy a moment ago!”
Cullen put down his cup. “It moved. It’s over here, and I have just what you want.” He slid an old-fashioned library ladder along its track, set the locking device, and climbed straight up to the top shelf.
Lyra followed, walking between four comfortable leather club chairs grouped on a Persian rug. A portrait of a young girl and a man wearing a cloak caught her attention. Something seemed familiar in the child’s smile.
The noise of books sliding on shelves distracted her. She moved to the base of his ladder and glanced up. The ceiling of embossed tin panels decorated with Victorian teardrop chandeliers and paper Chinese dragons made a unique combination, to be sure.
But Lyra was more curious about the strange happenings in the store and its owner.  He was certainly odd, although not the bookish, geeky sort who usually ran bookshops she frequented. He had an athletic frame and strong legs.
“Can’t find it!” he exclaimed and quickly descended. His brow furrowed, he dusted off his hands on his shorts. “I’ve got to find that volume for you. If you don’t mind me saying, there’s a sadness about you. The book will make you happier than you’ve been since those days of licorice shoe strings.”
“After magical tea and shifting bookcases, I almost believe you.” She laughed to cover her concerns. Even four months after it was final, she worried that the loneliness she felt after her divorce blazed like a beacon on her forehead. But, Cullen knew so much—it startled her…actually, intrigued her. Her ex didn’t ever see inside her, didn’t want to. This man read her as though he knew her. Did he? He seemed so familiar.
“Once I find that book, I promise, you’ll be pleased.” He stroked his goatee. “Hmm. Where did I last see it?” The twinkle in his gray-blue eyes captivated Lyra. “Will you be here for the week? I can look for it and call you later.”
“I’m staying the rest of the summer with my elderly Aunt Jean. She owns a lovely cottage at the end of Walnut overlooking Lake Huron. I thought I’d keep her company and give her time away from her nurse during my teaching break. While I’m here, I plan to write my novel.”
“Great! You’re a writer? What do you teach?”
“Yes, and I teach American Literature at Southern University in Florida. Seems like you already would’ve known that since you jumped into my childhood memories,” she stammered, attempting some humor. Taking a long draught of the tea, her mind filled with memories of her pet dachshund wiggling next to her, displacing a row of dolls. Another part of her past he knew—impossible! Her forehead beaded with sweat.
“No, only thoughts associated with a lot of emotion, like the happiness of snuggling with your dog.”
“How?” she exclaimed, shaking her head. “I don’t understand.” Her mind swam, trying to grasp what happened. She desperately needed some fresh air. With trembling hands she set the cup down.
“I realize it must seem odd, but the book I’m looking for will help explain.” He leaned closer with a smile that somehow reassured her. “This is Saturday. If you can come by next Wednesday morning, I think I should have it for you by then…if you’d like.” He paused and looked into her eyes, waiting for a reply.
“Yes…I’m curious.” In spite of the confusion, she found herself agreeing. “Wednesday will work.”
“Fine. Let me take down your number in case I can’t find it.” He walked to the counter and located a notepad and pen. She dictated her number and full name, which he repeated, “Lyra McCauley, a lovely Celtic name for a pretty lady.”
“I think I need to go now. Thanks for the tea.” With shaking fingers, she collected her shopping bag and headed toward the door.
He escorted her out and offered his hand to shake, the corners of his goatee lifting into an inviting grin. “Enjoy the rest of your weekend.”
Lyra smiled and looked into his eyes, trying to discern his unusual clairvoyant gift. “You too.” The initial touch, of his palm against hers, sent electrical shivers along her arm. She jerked, yet didn’t let go, fascinated by the strong emotions flashing through her mind—attraction, excitement, and acceptance. After an awkwardly long pause, she dropped his hand, half-stumbled over the threshold into the sunshine, and took a long, deep breath.
She ambled to an outdoor café a couple blocks farther down Tenth Street, while her mind buzzed with questions. How did he know those things about her? She dropped onto a seat at an empty table, shaded by an umbrella. He was fascinating and frightening at the same time…and familiar. Her divorce and loss of her parents left her lonely. He intrigued her.
“May I get you something to drink while you look over the menu?” The waitress interrupted with a bright young voice, a college student working a summer job.
Startled back to reality, Lyra murmured, “Just water, please.” Alone in a crowd of lunch goers, her thoughts returned to the bookstore and many unanswered questions.
The waitress placed a glass of water in front of her.

She almost hated to drink and remove the sweet aftertaste of anise from her tongue.

Author Interview with RESTLESS IN PEACEVILLE'S Pippa Jay! by Ryan Hill

 

I recently spoke with Pippa Jay, author of the new novel Restless in Peaceville, about zombies, Pixar, and '80s music. How did she do? Could she handle my hard-hitting expose? Read on to find out...


Restless in Peaceville has a very unique premise for a zombie novel, reminiscent of Warm Bodies and Breathers: A Zombie's Lament. What inspired you to write a zombie novel in this style?

Thank you (and off to look up Breathers now). Well, I have to blame Warm Bodies, Dead By Sunrise, Karen Y. Bynum, Terry Pratchett, Danielle Fine, and YOU (ed. note: AWWWE). And being too curious about the whole zombie mythology after watching Warm Bodies. I wanted to know where the brain-eating came from, because I'd read stories with zombies that weren't like that at all, so it got me thinking, "What is a zombie really like?" The mindless Hollywood, flesh-eating monstrosity or the rather tragic figures I'd read in other books? And then one of my friends mentioned Louisiana voodoo. After I started researching, muse just got hooked on the whole idea and forced me to write it. 


Is Restless in Peaceville told in first person? How do you narrate from a zombie POV? Is it kind of like Hodor, only with brains?

Yep, Restless is my first book in first person, lol. I found caffeine and sleep deprivation produce quite a zombie-like state, so I'd just get up really, really stupidly early and write without coffee. And occasionally stumble around the house in that condition so I knew what it felt like. In the book I compare it to having your whole body go to sleep and never wake up again, but unfortunately you can still think, which Luke would rather not do. People with insomnia might have some familiarity with that feeling.


Since you wrote a zombie novel, I'm going to assume you're a big fan of zombie novels. That said, what are some of your favorite novels that involve either: love stories, werewolves, or vampires that don't shine? Also, what's your favorite Pixar movie?

If we're talking vampires, I was a big fan of the Anne Rice novels, especially Pandora and The Body Thief, or Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett (vampires, witches, and a lot of dark humour). Pixar - Wall-E. He's so cute!


You're having a dream involving zombies. You're trapped, about to be bitten/dismembered/eaten up by moldy teeth. Some sexpot shows up to rescue you. Is it Norman Reedus, Brad Pitt, or Simon Pegg? Why?

I've had those kind of dreams frequently, but NOBODY EVER SHOWS UP TO RESCUE ME!! Um, you think Norman Reedus and Simon Pegg classify as sexpots?! *pats Ryan on the head* There, there. If I'm forced to chose one, it would be Brad Pitt. Because the other two are...not so attractive? Yeah, I'm that shallow. (ed. note: Just trying to think outside of the box with names :-D)


What's up with pop music these days? It sounds like over-produced '80s gunk...amirite?

They had music in the '80s? *blinks* Must have missed that. ;)


How do your zombies move? Fast? Slow? Thriller style?

They each have their own style of moving. Luke, my main character, tends to stumble around, because he's always been a bit kind of slow and clumsy, and being a zombie just emphasizes that. He complains how Annabelle moves like a dancer, all graceful like, and he resents that a lot! But when he needs to he can move surprisingly fast. There's a third zombie in the story, which again moves quickly, but there's not much of him left so he's no weight to carry around.


What did you think of the World War Z movie? Did you read the book? What about Peter Jackson's Dead Alive? Isn't it the grossest movie ever made?

Not seen, not read, and not seen. Sorry, I haven't watched the classic zombies much! Do I lose my zombie club membership for that confession? I've seen Warm Bodies, Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland and Deadheads, and read zombies in Terry Pratchett and Piers Anthony books. Other than that I'm a bit of a novice in the zombie department.

 

Zombies have survived all of sorts of things recently. Sparkling vampires, shitty George Romero movies, even The Forest of Hands and Teeth (don't even get me started on that one). Why do you think zombies are still appealing? What about them appeals to you?

I think they have a wider appeal than some supernaturals because people like to be scared, because zombies are possibly more credible than vampires and werewolves when it comes to the types of undead that could actually exist, and perhaps because people are afraid and yet also fascinated by what might happen to us after death. I guess it's morbid curiosity. After all, a zombie is just a dead version of a person rather than a glamorized blood sucker or shapeshifter. I also think that a lot of people just like to see zombies getting their heads blown off. In my case, I was fascinated by the way Isaac Marion had taken something with a pretty grim reputation--a monster--and yet I empathized with the character and wanted him to get his Happily Ever After in Warm Bodies. Terry Pratchett had done the same with his zombies in Reaperman, Witches Abroad, and the Nightwatch books. Going back to the original Haitian folklore, I learned that zombies are dead souls summoned back and forced to serve the bokor (sorcerer) who raised them. They're quite tragic figures. I wanted to explore that and the idea that zombies aren't just ravening monsters--that they're still the person they were before, and just maybe it's the desperation and horror of their condition that drives them to do the things that give them such a bad reputation.

 

In haiku format, tell us why people should red/buy Restless in Peaceville.

Two lost undead souls,

seeking a place in your heart

to rest forever.

 

Purchase links for Restless in Peaceville:

 

The Book of Bart #WeWriWa #8Sunday #YA #paranormal by Ryan Hill

 

Hey all! Check out this excerpt from my debut novel, The Book of Bart!

Only one thing is so powerful, so dangerous that Heaven and Hell must work together to find it: the Shard of Gabriel.

With a mysterious Black Cloud of Death hot on the shard’s trail, a desperate Heaven enlists the help of Bart, a demon who knows more about the shard than almost anyone. Six years ago, he had it in his hands. If only he’d used it before his coup to overthrow the devil failed. Now, he’s been sprung from his eternal punishment to help Samantha, an angel in training, recover the shard before the Black Cloud of Death finds it.

If Bartholomew wants to succeed, he’ll have to fight the temptation to betray Samantha and the allure of the shard. After an existence full of evil, the only way Bart can get right with Hell is to be good.

Hello, Bartholomew,a female voice cooed as I held the phone up to my ear. Raising any Hell?

You wouldnt believe,I said. By the by, if youre the one who sent Pierce after me, it would be lovely if youd come clean him up off the floor before he leaves a mark. I just got here, you know, and Ive got places to see and virgins to do.

She laughed. I didnt send Pierce, but I did leave the bag.

That was you? We must have a chat about your horrific taste in clothes.

The Book of Bart is now available on Amazon!

AUTHOR INTERVIEW: Drew Hayes by Ryan Hill

 

Drew Hayes was kind enough to answer a few questions from yours truly to talk about his latest supernatural comedy novel, THE UTTERLY UNINTERESTING AND UNADVENTUROUS TALES OF FRED, THE VAMPIRE ACCOUNTANT, which is available on Amazon.

Transient


What inspired you to write The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant?

I think the concept of Fred grew out of frustration with so many fantasy books I read following the same formula: person is normal and awkward and bad at life, person becomes supernatural, person resists change initially, person embraces change and becomes baddest mofo in history. I think people are more set in their ways than that, and changing one aspect of what you are doesn’t inherently alter who you are. Fred was my attempt to embrace that concept, showing a man who stayed who he was, normal and boring, despite being made into something inherently extraordinary.


You seem to focus on humorous, paranormal stories. Do you have any influences in that genre? What are some of your favorites within the genre?

I’d say for humor and the paranormal my favorites are Christopher Moore and Terry Pratchett. They both do a great job of mixing the fantastical with the mundane, which is what makes a great humor fantasy, in my opinion. Having touchstones in reality tend to make the characters more relatable, because we find them reacting to the sudden and fantastical much as we imagine we would.


Tell us a little about Fred. How does one become a vampire accountant? Is he like an accountant for vampires, like an accountant to the stars, but different?

Ha! That would have been a really cool premise, and now I’m a little sad I didn’t think of it. Nope, Fred is vampire accountant in the same way someone with dark hair is a brunette accountant. He’s a guy who has always been better with numbers than people, isn’t terribly good at being socially outgoing, and tends to feel shy in large groups. He’s a nice person, but an awkward introvert. Also he just happens to be a vampire.


Fred is a vampire accountant, which sounds utterly interesting, as well as adventurous. Would you agree?

Fred himself is not the adventurous sort, though he does often end up in adventurous situations. Really, his perfect night would be playing Scrabble with his few friends and drinking a nice red wine, maybe paired with a solid cheese plate. Sadly for Fred (but luckily for the readers) life doesn’t always go along with what he wants, and despite his utterly uninteresting nature he does find himself embroiled in more antics than any self-respecting accountant should have to deal with.


Do you have any future plans for Fred? Will he continue on in other books?

Not only will he, but I just finished up the second story in the sequel before answering these questions. As a rule, I usually don’t work on sequels until I see how the first book in a potential series sells, but with Fred I had to make an exception. I’m just too fond of him, and his menagerie of fellow oddballs, to leave it with a single volume. Fred is one of those characters that, even if no one else buys or likes him, I’ll probably still keep writing stories about for years to come.


Some people like serious and drab books, like Dickens. Why do you think people like to suffer through their reading, instead of read something fun, like Fred?

Ultimately it comes down to what you want out of your literature. Some people like serious literary contemplations on the state of society and the human condition. Personally, I like superheroes playing beer pong and vampire accountants, which why I write what I write and read what I read. Those people who like the high-minded stuff are probably smarter than me, though I might put down some decent money that my preferences leave me demonstrably happier than them.


Tell us, in haiku format, why someone should read The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant

Haiku? Yowza, I am nooooot good at poetry in any form. But, I’ll do my best!

Fred’s An Odd Undead
Bad Vampire, Great Accountant
Prefers Forms To Fangs

Update: What's Ryan Working On? (When He's Working) by Ryan Hill

 

Hey all!

Very excited to announce that I've submitted final edits of my zombie novel DEAD NEW WORLD to my publisher, Curiosity Quills. It's coming out on Oct. 13, and be on the lookout for a Goodreads giveaway (or two) before then!

I also finalized edits on SONG OF SAM, a short prequel leading up to the events in THE BOOK OF BART. It will be available as a free download on Amazon, so be on the lookout in the next few weeks for that.

With edits out of the way, that leaves me in the writing phase of, well, everything. Fortunately, the next, oh, five years are pretty much set in stone, unless I'm inspired to write something else, in which case it isn't set in stone. Or maybe it is. Or maybe I won't write any of these. Who knows with me.

THE BOOK OF BART SERIES

On top of SONG OF SAM, I'm currently writing Bart 2, which is tentatively titled BART OF DARKNESS. There's not set number of books in this series, and it can go on for as long as I wish. Or as long as people want to read it. Or the publisher is willing to put it out. It's all subjective, really. Regardless, I'm writing BART OF DARKNESS right now.

DEAD NEW WORLD TRILOGY

DEAD NEW WORLD is the first in what will (hopefully) be a trilogy of terror, with DARK NEW WORLD and THE NEW WORLD coming. Your guess is as good as mine as to when these will be written, but they will be written, provided I feel like it and people are interested.

THE CONCH SHELL OF DOOM

This is the book I recently submitted to my publisher. It's sort of a paranormal GOONIES. I'd like to write at least one more in this world, which will be called GRAVEYARD OF THE ATLANTIC. Or GRAYBEARD TAKES A WIFE. 

OTHER STUFF

I have some short stories I want to write, and I also have what I consider to be my 1984 in the works as well, and may be my next after BART OF DARKNESS. We'll see. I'm also working on writing a script for Krystal Wade's excellent novel CHARMING. 

That's all, really, as that will probably take me into my forties (sigh) to write. Regardless, lots of stuff in the pipeline here in my world!