conch shell of doom

Blaze Pub's Haunted Halloween Tour with... Me! by Ryan Hill

 

October is the month of fears, and we're going on tour with some of our favorite authors to talk about what their main characters are afraid of. What keeps them up at night? What nightmare has them waking in a cold sweat? Each day, we'll feature a new main character and delve deep into their subconscious to see what they fear. And each day, you'll have a chance to enter to win some awesome prizes!

Bailey is the sixteen-year-old protagonist of the Paranormal Comedy THE CONCH SHELL OF DOOM by Ryan Hill. When Bailey isn’t fighting off sea monsters, he’s fighting off his friends’ snark, a healthy fear of rejection, and anxiety. But rejection isn't the only thing he's afraid of...

What am I most afraid of? by Bailey Southwick

What am I not afraid of is probably the better question. I’m afraid my friends will find out who I have a secret crush on- actually, let’s leave her name out of it. If they ever found out, I’d never hear the end of it. I know a lot of people say, “Oh, I’d never hear the end of it,” but I’m serious. Marshall and Tim would hound me until I moved to Allakaket, Alaska, population 107. Even then, I’d still get texts, emails, and even real mail from them with more jokes. To top it off, one of them – most likely Marshall – would make sure the crush knew I liked them in the most public and humiliating way possible.

Maybe Allakaket isn’t the worst idea.

I’m also afraid of goblin sharks, sand soldiers, and having some bad guy’s head put on my body. Definitely the last one. No, my body isn’t the most athletic, but I’m still growing into it? Also, it’s mine. I don’t want some gross head taking control, rendering me basically dead. No way. That’d stink.

Also, I’m afraid of my anxiety. It pops up at random moments and causes all kinds of problems. I do my best to manage it, but that can only get me so far sometimes. I wish it weren’t the case, but it’s the lens through which I view life. It makes me who I am, and it can make me my own worst enemy.

about the book

Bailey didn’t mean to catch his parents plotting to unleash the sinister Trenton Maroney and his powerful oceanic army on the world. It was an honest mistake. Now, he’s got the horribly disfigured Mr. Lovell on his trail, which is doing wonders for Bailey’s anxiety.

His only ally is Franklin, a burn-out several decades past wishing his brother Trenton was destroyed for good. Franklin has battled his brother for two thousand years, and has nothing to show for it except his beloved Mustang.

To stop Mr. Lovell from awakening Trenton, Franklin and Bailey will have to get past his parents, a one-eyed stoner, crooked cops, giant Scotsmen, and Trenton’s army, which can only be summoned by one thing: the mysterious Conch Shell of Doom.

Amazon

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THE CONCH SHELL OF DOOM Release Day! Random Acts of Silliness! by Ryan Hill

 

It's here It's here IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!! 

The book with quite possibly the most RANDOM and SILLY title in this history of the written word is here!!!!! 

Witness the Awakening. Witness the tomfoolery. Witness the ridiculous that is... THE CONCH SHELL OF DOOM. Buy it here, won't you?

Not only that, but there's a contest going to win free stuff like signed books or a $20 Amazon gift card! Seriously. May 24, 2016, should just be called the gift that keeps on giving at this point. 

Contest ends June 3, 2016

  • One winner will receive a $20 Amazon Gift Card and a signed copy of The Conch Shell of Doom by Ryan Hill
  • One winner will receive a signed copy of The Conch Shell of Doom by Ryan Hill
  • One winner will receive a signed copy of The Book of Bart by Ryan Hill
  • One winner will receive a signed copy of Dead New World by Ryan Hill

Time to announce the RANDOM ACTS OF SILLINESS winners!

Now, some of the suggestions I got were a bit much, or borderline iffy/legal. There were also a few ideas that required women's clothing. Regardless, everyone who entered a suggestion gets a FREE CONCH SHELL OF DOOM EBOOK! If you entered via ryanhillwrites.com, please contact me with your email so I can send you the ebook. As for the winners, YOU GET A FREE BOOK! YOU GET A FREE BOOK! AND YOU GET A FREE BOOK! (free signed paperback, that is). If you all could get me your mailing info, I'll get those books out to you as soon as possible.

Thanks to everyone who suggested a Random Act of Silliness!

Rank: 75,000

Act: Write an ode to my fans and leave it on my website. Barbara also suggested a dramatic reading of Magic Mike, but I had to be wearing a tutu. I'm not made of money you all! :)

Winner: barbara.hopkins39@*****.com
 

Rank: 50,000

Act: Do the "Time Warp"

Winner: Danielle from ryanhillwrites.com
 

Rank: 25,000

Act: Dye my hair

Winners: vampyrelady6606@*****.com, calden40@***.com 
 

Rank: 10,000

Act: Dance with a stranger

Winner: mq3377@***.com
 

Rank: 5,000

Act: Paint my body in either the cover or a character

Winner: doveknoll@*****.com
 

Rank: 1,000

Act: Cover myself in oatmeal and yogurt, then run around screaming about my book

Winner: majikalone@******.com
 

Rank: 100

Act: Create a Minecraft-inspired costume and wear it in public for 30 minutes.

Winner: Ginger from ryanhillwrites.com
 

Rank: No. 1 in any sub-category

Act: Dance to "Ring my Bell" in '70s garb, i.e. whatever is left of my Dad's wardrobe from that era ;)

Winner: artemis.lynn1966@*****.com

Introducing RANDOM ACTS OF SILLINESS by Ryan Hill

 

With the upcoming May 24 release of my third novel, The Conch Shell of Doom, I'm throwing almost all shame (what little remains, at least) out the window. I want this to be my best release yet. I want this release to make The Beatles appearing on The Ed Sullivan Show to seem like no big whoop. That may not happen - it almost certainly won't - but a guy can dream, right?

To help Conch Shell have a big release, I need your help to get the word out. But, I also want this to be fun for everybody. I want you all to feel like you're getting something out of it besides good karma. As such, if the book hits certain milestones in terms of Amazon ranking, you all can decide on a RANDOM ACT OF SILLINESS for me to do. I'm willing to do pretty much anything except risk life (definitely not) and limb (absolutely not) for this. Or something that will get me arrested. Or fired. You know, big, life-altering in a very bad way kind of stuff. 

These are the milestones I'm laying out. Some of these are for overall Amazon rank, others for reaching No. 1 in a sub-category.

Overall Amazon rank milestones:

No. 75,000
No. 50,000
No. 25,000
No. 10,000
No. 1,000
No. 100
No. 1

Sub-category rank milestones - there are three milestones:

No. 1 in one sub-cat
No. 1 in two
No. 1 in all three

The greater the milestone, the greater the act of silliness I'm willing to subject myself to. If I reach No. 75,000, for example, I could maybe do a dramatic reading of something. Fifty Shades of Grey, Shakespeare, The Big Bang Theory, anything. The sillier the better. If I crack the Top 100, maybe I'll dye my hair green. It all depends on what you suggest. 

If you're interested in helping spread the word on May 24, sign up for my release day blitz, fill out your information (you don't need a blog to participate), and in the "Comments/Questions" box at the bottom, indicate your RANDOM ACT OF SILLINESS suggestion - just be sure to introduce your comment/question with RANDOM ACT OF SILLINESS

The ideas that are picked will win a signed paperback of The Conch Shell of DoomIf I somehow hit No. 1, ALL the winning ideas will receive SIGNED PAPERBACKS of ALL THREE OF MY BOOKS. That's pretty cool if you ask me, but since I wrote the books I may be a bit biased. 

Don't worry about assigning your idea to a milestone. I'll do that based on degree of difficulty and/or level of silliness. 

Thanks in advance for all of your help. If this goes well, I may make it a tradition for all future releases.

Enjoy!

Ryan