#diet

Whole 30 Update No. 4 - Rebellion by Ryan Hill

 

This Whole 30 demon, "life style change," whatever you want to call it, is a never-ending pit of despair and hopelessness that would make even the most peppy person's butt hole cringe. On Saturday, my wonderful fiancee and I - led by me - went into full on rebellion mode. 

rebel.jpg

For the day.

And it felt glorious.

I've mentioned before how food is not only for the body, but the soul. After a day of ingesting all the junk and alcohol our bodies could stand, I can say that good food is almost as important for your spirit as your body.

So what if I gained three pounds that day? WORTH IT.

This week has been more of the same. A little cheating here and there, but trying to keep it under control. Whole 30 is no longer running/ruining the lives of my wonderful fiancee and myself. We've applied some lessons learned, but the program as a whole? (Phrasing). FINITO.

That program can eat a bag of pig's feet covered in grass and dirt.

 

Whole 30 Update No. 3 - Brain Games by Ryan Hill

 

It doesn't seem to matter if my wonderful fiancee and I include some cheat meals here and there to appease the beast known as Whole 30. That evil, sadistic, greasy bastard still finds a way to mess with our heads.

Both my wonderful fiancee and I want to eat everything in sight, like a couple of hungry, hungry hippos. Or a vampire that hasn't drank blood in however long it takes them to get uber cranky and hangry. THAT'S WHERE WE ARE.

It's getting to my wonderful fiancee in a myriad of ways. She can't eat her beloved cheese. Enjoy her favorite Starbucks items. She's - and she'll be the first to admit it - a bit of a germophobe, and doesn't entirely trust our dishwasher, meaning she washes all dishes by hand. When cooking extravagant (by Whole 30 standards, though some stuff has been amazing) meals every night, the dishes pile up. Some nights, she's on her feet for at least two hours, cooking and cleaning. I'm allowed to help with drying the dishes and putting them up, but my wonderful fiancee's Celiac disease has left her in a position where she only trusts herself to get everything clean. This won't always be the case, but it is for the moment.

A lot of our mental anguish comes down to the age-old adage that PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE. This diet is so stupid restrictive, my wonderful fiancee and I are dying a little on the inside as time goes on. It stinks, we hate it, but on the other hand... 

I'm down seven pounds since we started Whole 30 almost two weeks ago. 

Whole 30 Update No. 2 - Sweet Lord Chipotle by Ryan Hill

 

It's quite possible my wonderful fiancee is struggling with the Whole 30 devil more than I am. She dreams of tacos, specifically Chipotle. We drove past one the other day and she reached out, begging for the Sweet Lord Chipotle to take her in his warm embrace, filling her stomach with all sorts of burrito goodness.

That's not even mentioning the sugar withdrawal. Sweet Lord Chipotle, someone get us out of this sadistic diet!

I've spent a lot of Whole 30 trying to accept the fact that I'm not going to get a lot of joy from food for a while. My wonderful fiancee HAS come up with some amazing meals, but that doesn't mean I don't miss... you know... good/processed food. Because I do. A lot. The first night on Whole 30, I dreamt of Diet Sunkist. No joke. 

Below is a dramatic recreation of an actual pre-Whole 30 conversation with my wonderful fiancee:

MWF: Why can't you give up soda for 30 days?

Me: I don't want to.

MWF: Why? It's terrible for you.

Me: Don't take this away from me. I love my soda. It's my happy place when I get to work.

MWF: Your happy place?

Me: Yes. Drinking it in the morning makes me happy, so I need it.

MWF: Yeah. You don't sound like an addict at all.

Me: ...

After a cooking mishap Friday night, Week 1 of Whole 30 broke my wonderful fiancee. Her love for Chipotle was strong, and so we partook in the Whole 30 sin of burrito goodness. It was glorious. 

Although...

After five days of going o naturale, both my wonderful finacee - especially my wonderful fiancee - experienced stomach issues, to the point Chipotle has been put in the time out corner for the foreseeable future. 

We also drank some wine on Saturday. Again, it was nothing short of glorious.

Because of our transgressions, my wonderful fiancee decided last week was more of a "soft launch" for Whole 30. So far, this week has been back to strict Whole 30, but once the weekend comes, things change.

The weekend is a time to unwind from the work week. Relax. Enjoy yourself. Food plays into that. It's not only nourishing, but good food can lift a person's spirits. Not that my wonderful fiancee hasn't made some flippin' sweet meals on Whole 30 - she has - but going out, eating food prepared by someone else just has a different vibe to it. Basically, it seems we're going to have some sort of cheat system built in. So it's not Whole 30, it's Our 30. 

To which I say...

Whole 30 Update No. 1: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly by Ryan Hill

 

The first few days of the Whole 30 program have come and gone, and somehow I'm still doing this thing.

Does it have to do with my fiancee's ultimatum that if I don't complete the 30 day program that I can never complain about gaining weight again for the rest of my life? A little.

Does it have to do with early results? A lot.

Now, I haven't magically dropped all the weight I want to, but I have dropped enough to make me curious what Week 2 will bring.

As for no soda/alcohol/pizza/enjoying life? That part is more out of sight, out of mind. So long as I don't talk about it, I'm okay. The second I start talking about it, I become a puddle of immaturity, kicking my legs in the air and begging my fiancee to let me off the hook. 

Of course, she won't let me off the hook.

I'm still getting used to drinking coffee with this ghetto Whole 30 approved creamer and the soda thing has been - so far - not too terrible, thanks to a supply of La Croix berry flavored soda.

I did try this gingerberry flavored Kombucha. It smelled like antiseptic. Tasted like it too.

Overall, I'd say Whole 30 isn't bad. But I still have the weekend to come, and that's when I like to let loose a bit.

Stay tuned.

The Fiancee and I Started the Whole 30 Program by Ryan Hill

 

On Monday, my wonderful fiancee and I started - at her request - the Whole 30 program, a super-strict version of the paleo diet that causes sadness, despair, hunger, and potentially some weight loss.

The gist of the program is that for 30 days, it's all about the natural foods - meat, vegetables, fruit. Nothing processed. Nothing with sugar. No bread. No pizza. No alcohol. The program is nothing short of an evil scheme to make people like me suffer to no end. And lose some weight. 

Honestly? It's not that bad. I try to eat well, so the eating part isn't too bad. I will miss pizza. And popcorn. And chocolate. And all these other things that are awful for you.

Like soda.

Diet Sunkist is my happy morning drink. I'm not huge on coffee - NO CREAMER FOR WHOLE 30 BY THE WAY - so DSK puts a smile on my face. My wonderful fiancee feels my soda "dependency" needs to be broken. I disagree. But that's not even the worst of it. Zero alcohol can be consumed during this program. 

None.

Zip.

Nada.

That reason alone makes me think whomever created the Whole 30 program should have to dip themselves in honey and sprinkles, then lets ants crawl all over them. All the while listening to a never-ending loop of Creed. That way, their mind, body, and soul will all be attacked, giving them an idea of what this program - on its third day, no less - is doing to me.

I'll provide updates as this goes along, but for right now, I MISS FOOD.