#books

Ask a Demon - Easter Edition by Ryan Hill

 

It goes without saying that a demon* like myself isn't a huge fan of Easter. Nobody associated with Hell likes the holiday, which with Good Friday thrown in, is a THREE DAY HOLIDAY THAT TAKES UP AN ENTIRE WEEKEND EVERY YEAR. It's bad enough having to face Easter Sunday, but Easter weekend? That's like watching the Alvin & the Chipmunks movie, then somehow getting roped into watching its three sequels. 

Pure

Unadulterated

Torture

But to every cloud there is a silver lining, and Easter is no different.

To draw attention away from what Easter really is, a few demons got together and decided to "kill 'em with kindness," which in this case entails bunnies, eggs, and candy.

The Easter Bunny is a symbol people can get behind that isn't, well, you know. Throw in the candy, which is terrible for people and causes cavities, diabetes, noxious gas, weight gain, and the occasional heart attack, and Easter weekend is almost bearable. 

Almost.

For those who look forward to the weekend, try not to O.D. on jelly beans. Or do. I know I'll be drowning myself in them.

 

* So I'm currently an ex-demon. Tomato, Tomahto.

On to the questions... I mean... question.

Danny Danny Danny asks...

You know my mind and desires, where is what I seek?

A fortune cookie kind of question merits a fortune cookie kind of answer: In bed.

Need advice from Bartholomew? Want to know what movie to see this weekend? Send your question to ryan@ryanhillwrites.com.

Whole 30 Update No. 1: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly by Ryan Hill

 

The first few days of the Whole 30 program have come and gone, and somehow I'm still doing this thing.

Does it have to do with my fiancee's ultimatum that if I don't complete the 30 day program that I can never complain about gaining weight again for the rest of my life? A little.

Does it have to do with early results? A lot.

Now, I haven't magically dropped all the weight I want to, but I have dropped enough to make me curious what Week 2 will bring.

As for no soda/alcohol/pizza/enjoying life? That part is more out of sight, out of mind. So long as I don't talk about it, I'm okay. The second I start talking about it, I become a puddle of immaturity, kicking my legs in the air and begging my fiancee to let me off the hook. 

Of course, she won't let me off the hook.

I'm still getting used to drinking coffee with this ghetto Whole 30 approved creamer and the soda thing has been - so far - not too terrible, thanks to a supply of La Croix berry flavored soda.

I did try this gingerberry flavored Kombucha. It smelled like antiseptic. Tasted like it too.

Overall, I'd say Whole 30 isn't bad. But I still have the weekend to come, and that's when I like to let loose a bit.

Stay tuned.

New Year, New Plans, New Hopes by Ryan Hill

 

Welcome to 2017.

Are you excited? Petrified? As wild as 2016 was, 2017 could be an even crazier ride. Somethings, LIKE GETTING MARRIED, I'm very excited about. Others? Cautiously optimistic... emphasis on cautiously.

But one area I'm excited about for sure is books!

There's going to be a lot happening in the world of books this year, and by "world" I mean myself. These things are happening for sure:

  • Bart of Darkness: The Book of Bart - Verse 2 (May 23) - Yup! It's happening! All I can really tell you about it at the moment is Bart and Sam are both back. Quite the tease, amirite? LOLOLOLOLOLZER 
  • New branding - Everything from my website to swag to book covers is getting a face lift. All of it. The covers are going to look uniform, like they came from the same author. The website/author logo stuff will probably have a similar feel. I can't say for sure, because a new logo image hasn't been selected!
  •  A Book of Bart prequel starring Sam - This short story has been on the back burner entirely too long. I'm currently polishing it up, then unleashing it upon the world. It basically shows how Sam came to need Bart's help in Verse 1. This will most likely be a free download for anyone who joins my newsletter.
  • Utopia Con 2017 - I'll be back in Nashville this year with my amazing fiancee for the latest iteration of Utopia Con, which features WARM BODIES author Isaac Marion as the featured speaker. Will I bring my copy of BODIES and it's sequel - coming soon - for him to sign? There's a fair chance. 
  • Oct. 29, 2017 - Save the date, cuz I'm gettin married!!!

These are the things I want to happen, or at least I'll start on them on 2017:

  • Bart's Inferno: The Book of Bart - Verse 3 - Oh... oh my. Did I just reveal a third Bart book and it's title? I think I did.
  • Another Bart short - I'd like to do one or two of these a year. We'll see how well that works out.
  • A super secret collaboration with my fiancee - No, this isn't the wedding. Yes, that's super, but it's not a secret. No, we're not eloping. Yes, we are working on something together. And it's going to be pretty awesome. At least, I think so.
  • Blog more - It's bound to happen at some point... right?
  • Attend more book conferences - Money is the big obstacle here, but I hope to attend at least three this year. 
  • Read more - Because everybody says this.
  • Lose weight - I need to. And because everyone says this.

That's it for me. Hope everyone has a great 2017!

Introducing... ASK A DEMON by Ryan Hill

Have you ever needed advice on something, but were too scared to ask your parents? Want to know the best way to get revenge on that bully who won't stop giving you noogies? Then you've come to the right place!

Bartholomew, that handsome, smooth, dastardly scoundrel of a demon (his words, not mine) has graciously decided to take some time away from his busy schedule of chasing virgins and corrupting souls to answer questions from YOU, for FREE. Normally, this kind of thing requires payment in the form of a Maserati or, oh, YOUR SOUL, but Bartholomew is doing this for free. He'd never admit it, but personally? I think his friend Samantha put him up to it in the hopes he might actually help someone. Can't say for sure, though. 

Send your questions to ryan@ryanhillwrites.com with the subject line ASK A DEMON, and maybe Bartholomew will answer your question!

In the meantime, you can follow Bartholomew's shenanigans in THE BOOK OF BART, with parts 2 and 3 coming 2017!

On Going From One Manuscript to Another by Ryan Hill

 

I've picked up on an interesting trend with my writing. Ever since I finished The Book of Bart - Verse 1 - the draft that was submitted to agents and publishers - I've had a tendency to bounce around from manuscript to manuscript for whatever reason. Sometimes it's from writer's block, others because my attention has been pulled elsewhere. The reasons vary, but the point is the same.

I struggle to stick with one manuscript from beginning to completion.

It's not a good or a bad thing, but it is a thing with me. Take my latest release, The Conch Shell of Doom. I wound up writing about 30k words, then abandoned the manuscript. My anxiety/depression had been gnawing at me the entire time I'd been writing (even before), and I'd had enough, so I dropped it and moved on to another book, one that was intended to be more commercial and the first of a trilogy called The Luminari Crown. I only made it 20k words into that one before the anxiety/depression got to me again, and I dropped that manuscript as well. 

I took some time for myself, then sat down to read what I'd written of The Conch Shell of Doom. Without the anxiety clouding my judgment, I noticed that Conch Shell was pretty good, and worth finishing. In between then and now, I had both The Book of Bart and my zombie novel Dead New World published, forcing me to leave Conch Shell for a time. In between edits on Conch Shell, I started The Book of Bart - Verse 2, then had to leave it for more Conch Shell edits, and wound up starting a dark, young adult mystery novel. Earlier this week, I finished the first draft of Bart 2. It's okay if you're having trouble keeping up.

The playing of musical chairs with manuscripts has paid off in an unexpected way. So many writers - myself included - can get so deep into a story they can't see the forest for the trees. Leaving a manuscript to work on something else not only gives you breathing room and the chance to use creative muscles that may have atrophied on the previous work, but it gives you perspective.

Yes, it's difficult getting back into the flow of a manuscript this way, but after a couple of days, it feels like I never left. I also feel refreshed upon return, which brings new ideas that wouldn't have popped up if I hadn't moved to something else. Sure, some continuity issues can arise, especially with things from the beginning of the novel, but that's what editing is for; to smooth out the story and flesh out portions that need more exploration. 

I don't know that I'd recommend this method of writing, but it's been working for me the last few years. If you're stuck or feeling down about your work though, it may be just the ticket to helping the manuscript get back on track.

Enjoy!

On being 36-years-old by Ryan Hill

 

No joke, that title felt weird to write. It brings up so many thoughts. Where the time went, what to do with the time ahead of me, and the fact that in the grand scheme of things I'm not old, but hot damn. I'M 36.

Pretty much

Pretty much

Getting older is always something you worry about when you're younger. Twenty-somethings fret over every birthday, because it brings them one digit closer to the end-all, be-all that is thirty. Why? Because it's a number all of us have seared in our brains as TIME TO GET YO SHIT TOGETHER AND BE A REAL, ACTUAL ADULT. Heck, my mom cried when Dad turned 30.

Guess what? Being in your thirties really isn't that bad. At all. I prefer it to being in my twenties.

I was a friggin mess in my twenties. I was still trying to figure life, the universe, and everything out with little success. I didn't have a foothold in, well, anything. My early-to-mid twenties were mired in a haze of longing for my college days while trying to figure out the whole adult thing. My late twenties were more about trying to squeeze as much fun in before the big three-oh hit. I even wrote a manuscript about a guy reflecting on his life before he turns thirty. I can't say I was a mess about it, but some people are.

My thirtieth birthday turned out to be kind of a baptism by fire into "adulthood." I'd discovered someone stole my mail, taking checks intended to pay bills and counterfeiting them to buy stuff to the tune of $800.

Welcome to adulthood, Ryan! Here's a swift kick in the ass to get you started!

It really was kind of a harbinger of things to come. My thirties have by far been the most difficult decade of my life, but it's also been the most rewarding. I've become a published author. I still get to review movies, i.e. see them for free before everyone else and write about them. More than that, other things happen in your thirties that are pretty awesome.

Mainly, you stop giving a flying f--k about everything. By everything, I don't mean ev-er-y-thing, but everything that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. With some life experience under their belt, people settle into themselves in their thirties, and with that comes a level of comfort with who you are - some might even call it self esteem - that elevates you above worrying about whether someone thinks you're full of it, and other assorted items like that. Ya just don't care. And it's a wonderful thing. It builds up confidence, and makes dealing with all the B.S. that life throws at you that much easier to handle.

Granted, being in your thirties does have the drawback of OMGZ MY BODY WON'T STOP FALLING APART.

This part is actually worse for me, since I blew my back out six-years-ago doing too much weight on a Lat Row Machine. I've got two ruptured discs that irritate the Sciatica in my left leg. It's been awful. But enough about me.

I liken the physical deterioration in your thirties to a toy. When it's new, everything is strong and sturdy, but over time, wear and tear sets in. Some things don't work as well as they used to. That's kind of what your body is like in your thirties. It's not terrible, but you do notice the changes, which range from achy joints to inability to stay up late, less tolerance to extreme cold or heat, etc. Basically, if you blew out your knee at some point, that knee is going to remind you of it on an almost daily basis in thirties. Your hair also turns grey on a more steady basis, but that's kind of whatever. It doesn't bother me at all.

So to anyone afraid of turning 30, don't be. Like everything else, it's a mix of good and bad. Sure, it's different and your mortality starts coming into focus, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Then again, as someone who's never been married, has no kids, a spotty (at best) relationship record, I could be talking out of my ass.*

I pretty much always reserve the right to admit I'm talking out of my ass. If I'm wrong on something, so be it.

 

 

#UtopYA2015! by Ryan Hill

 

Greetings!

Some exciting stuff going on the next couple of weeks. HOW EXCITING, you ask? Hoooooo boy. I wish I could say I won the lottery, but it's pretty exciting nonetheless.

Tomorrow, well technically starting tonight, since I'll be making the first part of the 8+ hour drive tonight with a layover at my parents' house, I'm on my way to UtopYA2015 in Nashville!


It's going to be a blast. At least, it better be. Otherwise, somebody's car is getting keyed. But I'm pretty confident it's going to be amazing, so everyone should be safe from my keys o' doom. I'll be signing books on Friday, giving out sweet, soap-based swag (brain soap, Doctor Who Tardis soap), candy, and I'm even having a contest where you can win some pretty nifty Doctor Who items!

Anyone who signs up for my newsletter at UtopYA will receive one free entry into the contest, and an extra five entries will be given to those who buy one of my books (ten extra entries if both are purchased). Winners will be chosen using a random number generator online, and will have the option of picking one of these prizes:

A Doctor Who (10th Doctor) Mr. Potato Head

Doctor Who exploding TARDIS mug

A Dalek

he giveaway will only be happening Friday, since that's the day I'm signing books. If you're in or around Nashville, come on down!

But the exciting news doesn't end there!

Both THE BOOK OF BART and DEAD NEW WORLD have been selected by Amazon to be Kindle Daily Deals! This has the potential to be HUGE. Like... win the lottery huge.

Sooooo many new sets of eyeballs will see my books for the first time, and there's all kinds of potential to crack the Kindle Marketplace Top 100, and maybe even more than that! However, I'm going to need your help do this.

I've got a Thunderclap campaign set up for BART, and need at least 100 people to sign up in order for the campaign to take place. All you have to do is go to the campaign page, sign up, and Thunderclap will send out the message for you.

How flippin' easy is that? Plus, you're helping someone, which has to feel good. Doubly so since it's me you're helping. 

Volunteer for THE BOOK OF BART's Thunderclap here